From the moment I laid eyes on the little girl who would someday become my niece by marriage, I was in love with her. She was a tiny 18 month old girl, with the vocabulary of a 3 year old, and I adored her. I didn’t care if my brother and his (now) wife began hating each other, he would be forced into marriage because I would never be able to let this little girl leave my life. Although she was sweet in the beginning, she grew up and became my sassy smart mouthed 6 year old niece, and I’m pretty sure I love her even more because of it. There was a client who came into the salon who loved to hear Bella stories… mainly because she is freaking hilarious. So here are a few of her shenanigans:
1. When Bella was about 3, her little brother had just been born, and her struggle for attention was real. I don’t remember why she had to be in time out, but I had to put her there… I was in the kitchen cooking dinner and she was in a chair facing the wall. She stood up, turned around and said “Lissie, I’m freezing!” When I turned around to tell her to sit down, I saw this little child standing there shivering so dramatically that she could have been an extra on Titanic. I quickly turned around to hide my laughter, when she saw me laughing she said, ” Lissie Look!” When I turned back around she was doing it again and laughing like she got me.
2. Bella and my husband went to Walmart to pick out a movie and some ice cream for one of our slumber parties. She decided that she would be a complete ass to him the entire time they were in the store. She kept running away from him, so finally he swooped her up and was holding her with his arm under her butt (in no way weird, I just cannot explain it any other way). As they walked through the store she screamed “Deke, you’re choking me” and kept making fake coughing sounds. She then hit his wallet off the checkout counter and slapped him in the face when he bent down to pick it up. As they were leaving she asked him “what about my sucker?” (He had promised her this sucker if she were good in the store). When they arrived home, Derrick made her tell me that she was not allowed to watch a movie or have ice cream that night, when I asked why, she said “because I hit Deke” (thankfully he filled me in on the whole story after she went to sleep that night, since I laughed so hard I was crying as he told it to me).
3. The same night of the walmart incident, I had made fish sticks. As she sat down to eat them she said “Lissie, WHAT are these!?!?” I told her they were fish sticks and she said, “well, they are DELICIOUS!” I have no idea why I found this so funny but I did, possibly because it was so dramatic.
4. She once told me that her parents never fed her and that she just sits around at home and starves and starves.
5. When she was about 3 and a half, she saw a woman with cancer, she asked the girl who was with her “is that a girl or a boy?” When the girl answered that it was a girl she said “WELL IT LOOKS LIKE A BOY.” Although this was a day when Bella would have to learn about manners, I found it funny because I did not have to be the mortified person with her.
6. At daycare, they have a system where when you are bad, you have a fish that moves and if it goes on the hook then you don’t get a prize at the end of the day. One day the director came in:
Director: Bella, it’s only 10 in the morning and your fish is already on the hook?!?
Bella: (dismissive tone) Man, that thing STAYS on the hook.
7. I was dropping my daughter off at daycare one morning when I heard Bella’s teacher arguing with her. As I rounded the corner, her teacher said “uh oh Bella, your aunt is here” (I’m just the aunt, so I don’t know what I’m supposed to do), but I walked over anyway. Apparently, Bella had taken off her dress and was walking around in a bathing suit.
Me: Bella, put your dress back on.
Bella: but it’s water day
Me: not til later, put your dress on.
Bella: but it’s water day.
Me: I’m calling your dad.
Bella: tell him it’s water day.
8. Most recently, I took Bella to a birthday party where the birthday girl wanted her to stay the night. She asked if she could and I told her I’d call her mom. She then said, ” if she says no, can it just be our little secret?” To which I replied “Bella, we aren’t friends like that” (her mom ended up saying yes).
Other instances have included biting kids in the church nursery, apparently mooning someone on the bus(which I guess once investigated didn’t happen), and about a week where she thought the term “bow chicka wow wow” was just another way to say goodbye. Since she is the oldest and has become quite sassy in her short life thus far, she is often overlooked in my blog posts. Often, she is in trouble, but to be honest, as her aunt, I think she is a genius and her shenanigans are hilarious…. as long as she doesn’t teach Juliana anything.